Matter, energy and mass my Aunt Hootie. Sue has never been to Mass and what’s the matter with energy? I’m all for it. There is a simple reason why two things can’t occupy the same space at the same time: There isn’t enough room! Don’t get involved in Sue’s scam. Don’t send her a dollar. Do you know what she’ll do with it? She’ll buy gum and candy and rock-n-roll records with it is what she’ll do. Send me the dollar and I’ll use it to help pay for her adult day care.
All this talk about laws and hierarchies and vacuums got me thinking about tuna casserole. I asked Sue if she likes it. We still don’t know all of each other’s likes and dislikes and maybe never will. It’s not easy with Sue. One day she is a ‘raw foodist’ and she is eating only raw vegetables. Another day, she is going to eat only free-range eggs and chicken. Another day, she is an ‘intrepid explorer’. Now, it appears she’s a physicist collecting money for some spaceship or something. She said she does like tuna casserole and I said maybe I’ll make some on Saturday.
We got new neighbors today and they appear to have a dog. Sue said she hopes their dog doesn’t bark (even though ours do). Our dogs aren’t annoying when they bark. Other people’s are. Our dogs only bark when necessary and their sound is soft and sweet like a Mozart Symphony for Clarinet (Opus V1). She also hopes they don’t play loud music. Perhaps when she takes a cake over to welcome them, she should give them a list of house rules. And while she’s at it, maybe explain her theories on matter and energy to them.
Sue is right about one thing, though. I do abhor the vacuum. You use it once and you just have to do it again in a month or two. When does it stop? It doesn’t. You have to vacuum for the rest of your life. Think about it. The rest of your life. That uses up a lot of energy. And the vacuum takes up space. And it takes up time.
Time, space, matter, mass, energy … maybe I will give Sue a dollar and buy a ticket for her spaceship to a different universe: A universe where there are no vacuums.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
An Equalizing Universe - Sue
Nature, like Phyllis, abhors a vacuum. And therein lies the conundrum.
Stuff keeps trying to fill up empty space, because that's one of the Universal Laws, of which there are many as we shall see in this series. That stuff keeps trying to fill up empty space is good for jet aircraft and sucking up a vanilla shake in a straw. This is why a nurse can suck up antibiotics in that vial with a needle so you can get a shot in the ass. Ever try to run a back hoe without hydraulics? Give that a go and see how much suction means to you.
But Nature, as we shall see, can be a cruel task master. While stuff is trying to fill up empty space, it smashes up against a law that takes a higher priority in the hierarchy of laws, and that is that stuff can't occupy the same space as something else. This is why bullets kill people. But the bullet has to be going at a good rate of speed, because there is another law that says speed is more powerful than mass. We'll cover that later.
I'm not quite sure how to break this to you, so I'll just say it straight up. The Universe is trying to equalize itself. It's like a big wave that crashes against a rock and then bounces back the other way. All of the particles in the Universe are trying to fill up all the space, bounce against each other, fill up the space, bounce against each other until everything calms down and becomes a placid sea, like early in the morning when you can see the shore reflected in a perfect mirror.
And what, you may be wondering, effect does that have on us? Will our bodies become oozing, viscous gels that slide around like melting ice cream, and then move on to the next stage of becoming vapors floating away in the clouds? No. That's not going to happen. It's not going to happen because we're going to act now to take care of our planet.
Will you join me in saving the human race along with the rest of life on Earth? Or will you stick your head in the sand where your cell phone is there waiting for you to cast your vote on the next American Idol? It's up to you. It's up to me. We're at a turning point in history, where we stand on the precipice that makes our future for us and our children or we can turn into globules of jelly, floating for eternity in nothingness.
"What does it take?" you have a right to ask. "How can I help save us all?" I'll tell you. One dollar. If you each just send me one dollar, I'll have enough to build my spaceship, and it will be big enough for all of us! We will jettison to a different Universe, where they don't have any stupid laws and Phyllis won't abhor a vacuum.
Stuff keeps trying to fill up empty space, because that's one of the Universal Laws, of which there are many as we shall see in this series. That stuff keeps trying to fill up empty space is good for jet aircraft and sucking up a vanilla shake in a straw. This is why a nurse can suck up antibiotics in that vial with a needle so you can get a shot in the ass. Ever try to run a back hoe without hydraulics? Give that a go and see how much suction means to you.
But Nature, as we shall see, can be a cruel task master. While stuff is trying to fill up empty space, it smashes up against a law that takes a higher priority in the hierarchy of laws, and that is that stuff can't occupy the same space as something else. This is why bullets kill people. But the bullet has to be going at a good rate of speed, because there is another law that says speed is more powerful than mass. We'll cover that later.
I'm not quite sure how to break this to you, so I'll just say it straight up. The Universe is trying to equalize itself. It's like a big wave that crashes against a rock and then bounces back the other way. All of the particles in the Universe are trying to fill up all the space, bounce against each other, fill up the space, bounce against each other until everything calms down and becomes a placid sea, like early in the morning when you can see the shore reflected in a perfect mirror.
And what, you may be wondering, effect does that have on us? Will our bodies become oozing, viscous gels that slide around like melting ice cream, and then move on to the next stage of becoming vapors floating away in the clouds? No. That's not going to happen. It's not going to happen because we're going to act now to take care of our planet.
Will you join me in saving the human race along with the rest of life on Earth? Or will you stick your head in the sand where your cell phone is there waiting for you to cast your vote on the next American Idol? It's up to you. It's up to me. We're at a turning point in history, where we stand on the precipice that makes our future for us and our children or we can turn into globules of jelly, floating for eternity in nothingness.
"What does it take?" you have a right to ask. "How can I help save us all?" I'll tell you. One dollar. If you each just send me one dollar, I'll have enough to build my spaceship, and it will be big enough for all of us! We will jettison to a different Universe, where they don't have any stupid laws and Phyllis won't abhor a vacuum.
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