If you work for a living, that is you go to a job and have a boss and co-workers, you have to have a rich inner life. If you don’t, you’ll end up just being successful, well-off, and satisfied. I sneak a little bit of myself in to the office with me, though. Just enough to torture myself and the people around me.
My monthly one-on-one appraisals go something like this:
Boss: Phyllis, have you made any progress on the goals we talked about last month?
What I say: Oh, yes. I’m very pleased with my progress and I am very excited about this.
What I think: Nope
Boss: Have you given any thought about some of these items we talked over?
What I say: Yes, I’ve been keeping some notes and I’d like to show you what I have when I get them organized.
What I think: Nope
Boss: Do you have any suggestions on how we can improve our productivity?
What I say: I’ve given a lot of thought to this and I’ve been talking this over with some of the others and I think we have some pretty good ideas.
What I think: I wonder if you can blow bubbles with motor oil.
And here’s another instance where you have to suspend inner urges. After a meeting, they ask for questions. “Anyone? Anyone? There’s no such thing as a stupid question.”
Don’t believe that for a minute. As soon as they ask for questions, every moron in the room shoots his/her hand up.
“I know you said this, but here’s MY special circumstance. How does this apply to ME and MY special circumstance?”
Sit down and shut up!
“Well, I know exactly what you are saying, but can you repeat some of that for some of the others who might not get it?
I wish I had a slingshot.
“I, for one, am glad that we are finally coming down on people who aren’t doing THEIR job. I feel like I’m the ONLY one who follows procedure.”
Are you TRYING to make me vomit?
When the lights dim and the pie chart comes up on the big overhead screen, I nudge the people to the left and right of me, “Let’s not listen!” They scowl at me and sit up a little straighter in their chair and say, “Shhhhh!” And then I’m free to think about what I want to write about for my next day’s post.
